Hi, beautiful readers! It has been a while, but I am back with another Thoughts On Life newsletter. These past months have been emotionally overwhelming, but the universe continues to show me the beauty in accepting life experiences as they come, instead of drowning in them.
I want to thank all of you for being in community with me through this newsletter and welcoming my words and stories into your hearts. I pray that you always lead with kindness, love, and compassion.
Lastly, as the majority of you know, my newsletters are very free-flowing, filled with emotions, thoughts, questions, reflections, and journaling prompts.
Disclaimer: This newsletter briefly discusses the topic of death.
This Is Hard
Within the past six months, I have lost two family members. There were amazing human beings with whom I grew up while living in the Dominican Republic.
When I found out about the first death, Pablito, I couldn’t stop crying and shaking—the tears poured over me like a baptism was taking place. I didn’t know how to feel. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know what to think. It was hard to accept that someone I once hugged, ate with, laughed with, danced with, played with, and grew up with was no longer in this world.
A new wave of emotions was born.
For a couple weeks, I felt myself get lost deep within the dark places of my mind. I tried to keep up with life and remind myself that there was nothing I could have done to prevent his death and that I must cherish all the memories we had, like the times we played volleyball together, went to baseball games, had Mario Cars tournaments, broke our parents' rules to do something silly, went to the English Institute together, and many others. We loved each other. Even after I moved to the U.S., we kept in touch through Facebook, and he often sent me messages talking about my writing or my book. He was, and still is, one of the coolest and bravest human beings I have ever had the pleasure to experience during this lifetime.
Four months after the death of Pablito, I learned that one of my oldest cousins, Edwin, had been missing for a couple days. This automatically triggered everything inside me. Thoughts kept running through my mind, like, "Why the fuck is this happening to my family?" "I don’t think I can handle another death," or "I wish we were all closer." "This distance is killing me."
I posted about his information all over social media and asked friends who are still living in the Dominican Republic to share the flyer. I constantly checked the family chat to see if there were updates. The news channels in Santo Domingo were already covering his case, and seeing my sweet aunt on TV imploring people to please help or release any information on this location broke every single part of my heart over and over again. I wanted to be there to hug her tightly. I wanted to be there to tell her that he would be coming back. I prayed every night for his return.
After being missing for almost twenty days, on July 10th, my brother sent a message that my cousin had been found dead. I remember being in the kitchen getting ready to leave the house when I read the message. I stood still, then started to hit the counter and cry. I felt fucking helpless, and that was when everything went numb. I truly didn’t know how to feel anymore—anger became silence, pain became silence. My eyes couldn’t produce any more tears; my body didn’t want to move; and my heart stood still.
I thought, "Oh, dear cousin, you really didn’t deserve this."
I hurt deeply for all my family, and I still do. I found myself swimming in an ocean of memories and remembering the details in the faces of all the people I love. I started to feel a deeper sense of understanding towards the way in which life unfolds. Slowly, both acceptance and stillness forced their way into my heart to remind me that I must not become lost, that I must not lose faith, that I must not walk in fear, and that I must not forget that love still exists even after death.
Grief is such a weird emotion. It is extremely painful, but once you accept it, it becomes a portal into memories you thought were forgotten, moments that live deep within your heart, rooted in pure love and joy.
You Are Not Alone
Sometimes I still struggle with opening up; I keep all my troubles and emotions locked away, thinking that in my heart they are safe from external harm. However, during these past months, life has reminded me (via friends and family) that I do not have to go through all of my emotions and fears alone—I have people in my life who have got my back, come hell or high water.
Also, I would love to share something my dad told me in a moment of need.
He said:
Do you remember the water in the rivers? What does it do? It moves forward and freely, no matter what stands in front of it—so flow and do not force. God didn’t put you in this world to change anything or anyone. Do what you can, but put your health (mentally and physically) first. Everything, no matter how difficult it may seem, has a solution, and you’re not alone.
Whatever you may be feeling or experiencing right now, do not let your emotions make you think you are alone. You have community, family, and friends that will be there to keep you afloat, to show you the way back home, to cry with you, to laugh with you, and to hold space for you. Let them pour into you the same way you pour into them. Do not hold all the emotions to yourself; trust in others.
My Why
As some of you may know, I immigrated to the U.S. in 2009 with my mom. I was thirteen years old and didn’t speak a word of English. My childhood was special and humble. My parents made sure I understood the importance of family, healthy habits, exercise, friends, boundaries, respect, kindness, and more. I was given the space to speak my mind and express my thoughts. Also, both of my parents enjoy creative writing. This made me feel even closer to my calling. I was always journaling, writing love poems, and inspirational quotes. Writing made me experience a different kind of freedom. This phase in my life was just the beginning of everything. Every challenge and lesson during my early years in the Dominican Republic taught me how to value the simple things in life and how to remain rooted in love and gratitude—this is something that helped me during my immigration journey.
I owe everything I have to God and my family. I wouldn’t be here without them—they are my why, the reason I continue to move forward, and the inspiration to share and preserve the stories about my culture and people.
For me, writing has always been a transformative journey of healing, discovery, and liberation. Writing means having words dance on my tongue, chanting protection spells—urging me to trust, feel, and let my story be a testament to life itself. Through this spiritual gift, I want to continue to bring people together in spaces where they feel safe to share their deepest emotions, fears, joys, and dreams. Everything I do is rooted in love, kindness, and vulnerability. Sharing my story took a lot of courage, but it showed me just how important it is to take a leap of faith even while being scared. Lastly, I believe that genuine connections—rooted in love, understanding, and kindness—are the foundation of change; they are spaces where we can be honest about life experiences, grow, heal, learn, and live in harmony.
I believe that everyone we cross paths with in this lifetime is a reflection of what we need most during that chapter of our lives, whether that is lessons, challenges, opportunities, or love.
I want you to consider the following:
How you show up for yourself?
What is your why (personally and/or professionally)?
How can you continue to create space for the things you love?
What areas in your life do you need to water?
Journaling Prompts About Grief
Reflect on your emotions: Start by describing the emotions you are experiencing due to your loss. How do you feel about the situation? Allow yourself to be honest and open with your emotions, even if they are difficult to confront. Write about the moments when you feel most overwhelmed by grief and how these emotions manifest in your daily life.
Remembering the past: Recall fond memories and moments you shared with the person or thing you have lost. Write about the significance of these memories and how they have influenced your life. Consider how these memories might continue to impact your future, and if there are any life lessons or values you can carry forward from those experiences.
Finding meaning and acceptance: Reflect on the concept of finding meaning in loss and accepting the reality of your grief. Write about any changes in your perspective on life, relationships, or personal beliefs that have occurred since the loss. Consider how you can find a sense of peace and acceptance while still honoring the memory of what or who you have lost.
Journaling Prompts About Family and Community
What/Who inspires you to continue when you feel like giving up?
Reflect on the impact of community and family in your life: How have the relationships and support from your family and community shaped your identity, values, and overall well-being?
Explore the interconnectedness of community and family: Describe instances where your family's involvement in the community or the community's support for your family has strengthened the bonds and sense of belonging for all involved.
Imagining an ideal community and family dynamic: Envision and write about what an ideal community and family support system would look like for you. How would such a network contribute to personal growth, resilience, and collective progress?
I would love to read some of your answers to these questions in the comments.
If you made it all the way to the end, I want to express my deepest gratitude for your time. This wasn’t easy to write, I cried many times as I did, but it was needed, and maybe, it will help someone out there too.