Dear Little Light of Mine,
It has been some time since I spoke to you, since I have shown you something else rather than the anxiety I have been feeling lately; and I am sorry for that. You never used to be like this–constantly worrying about the world, about your purpose in life, about your own happiness. I want to take this time to acknowledge all that you are to me, all I continue to learn from you.
First, I want to tell you how much I admire your courage to be an open free spirit, transcending the expectations of what women are supposed to be like in society while still holding on to the tenderness and vulnerability of your essence. Remember when you used to flip the little bicicletas and pretend you were fixing the chain and cassette? I have those pictures in a special box, and I always smile every time I see them: or the endless photoshoots Papi took of us while in diapers or wearing the leopard dress with the patent leather shoes? You looked so beautiful, and you still do.
Which leads me to tell you, that I admire the way you stood up to those who made you feel like you weren't beautiful while growing up. Never did you ever meet them with the same sourness they approached you with; you stayed true to yourself, even if at first it hurt your feelings. I remember when the girls in middle school made fun of our hairdos, but you would walk past them with grace and not speak the same words to them. I admire your character, unfuckable energy, and the level of kindness you carried at such a young age. I miss that, I need that, I need you. I get lost
within my own insecurities and forget just how delicately you handled life even when others thought they were destroying you. I see you, truly.
I miss your spontaneous self and the way you chose to experience life. Remember when we would go with Papi and Mami to La Caleta, and you would run around with our cousins all over the mountains, empty homes, or to find a Granadilla tree and pour some brown sugar to enjoy? Wow, that was life, that was you, that was us.
I want to apologize for the times I have kept you away from the light, away from me, or that I let others hurt you, making you think you weren't worth the love, the gentleness, the care, or patience. I am sorry for being so hard on you when in doubt or fear. You deserve nothing more than a great life, and by great, I mean a life where we are both one, never apart; being the carefree, unbothered, gentle-hearted soul you are.
I want to end this letter by saying thank you for showing me my capabilities, holding me in ways I never thought possible, and being brave enough to navigate changes we never imagined. Thank you for your strength and gentleness, and for always reminding me of who we are.
With love,
Your older self,
Dhayana Alejandrina.
If you’re called to, share in the comments your answer(s) to the following:
What is one of your favorite childhood memories?
When you think of your childhood, is there anything you wish was different? Why?
What advice would you give your younger self during this chapter in your life?
What is something you wish to incorporate into your life from your childhood?
Thank you for sharing!
What is something you wish to incorporate into your life from your childhood?
I would love to incorporate the child like wonder I had that led to unbridled curiosity. Conditioning had not yet taken away that freedom to try new things and not be tied to an outcome - I really want to get back to that space for my ideal level of creativity to flourish!